I have to start this post by saying I have been HORRIBLE about being consistent. And the funny thing is, I have said that numerous times. I promise I will get it together one day.... preferably today.
The last few months have been a roller coaster and I am sure many can agree. A few weeks ago, my dad transitioned. I wasn't expecting it at all. I found out he was sick about 2 weeks before he died. I thought I had time to see him, but God had other plans. We weren't as close as I wished we were, but it was still a hard pill to swallow. I had already lost all my grandparents by the time I turned 34. I definitely wasn't ready to face losing a parent, but I know we aren't meant to be here forever.
I live in Atlanta (for those that don't know) and the majority of my family lives in Tennessee. It's kind of hard to be away from them during times like that. Well, my dad died on Sunday and his funeral wasn't planned to happen for another week. I thought I would be okay and that would give me time to process things. As the week went on, things got harder. It was lonely. The phone wasn't ringing. I thought I would get calls, visits, whatever... but it was quiet. Why? Where were all my friends and family? Why had they not reached out? I had a few reach out, but not as many as I thought. Not as often as I thought. This was all strange to me. I wasn't looking for sympathy. I was just looking for a shoulder to cry on.... because we all know how sensitive I am. But for real, I just needed people around.
"Don't expect you from anyone else." That was a statement said to me during all the mental chaos I was going through. WOW!! She was right and I began to let it sink in. I began to process that statement over and over again. Every time I would get mad because someone wasn't there when I called or texted, I would say "don't expect you from anyone else". I can't expect everyone to react to things like I do. We are all different in our responses to situations. I was ready to dismiss so many people that I thought were closer to me than they appeared at the time. I was being selfish and thinking about myself. I do this often in life. I think everyone is going to give me the same response to situations that I would give them. I don't even get mad. It just hurts. I realized I have to face reality. Everyone processes things different. They may not know what to say, so they back away or get quiet. It happens with not just death but dealing with emotions as a whole. Dealing with life.
Everyone is not me.... AGAIN, I have to tell myself. I honestly get it now. It's going to take me some time, but I know when times get hard, I am not alone. When I need to cry on someone's shoulder, sometimes it has to be my own. Heck, I had to do it today. I am a work in progress when it comes to all the above .... and that's okay. At the end of the day, I will learn to shake it off and tell myself "I GOT THIS".
I hope me being transparent with what is going on in my life helps someone else get through their tough times. This is why I love to blog. I promise to post more often. Peace and blessings!!