Sunday morning. Yolanda Adams “Never Give Up” playing in the background. Tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. Whoever knew I’d be where I am right now in life. I know I’m not the only one going through things and I would never think my situation is worse than anyone else’s....but dang this crap is hard! I know it will get easier but when? I’m tired.
A few months ago, the one thing I never wanted to hear was said to me. “You aren’t taking care of your kids”... “You’re partying and they’re suffering’.... that was all I could hear... BAD MOM! At the moment, I was MAD. What would make someone think that? I wasn’t partying. I was trying to make a name for myself. I was trying to build a brand. I wanted a better future for my kids. Why do I even care what people have to say? My kids have always been my number one priority. I put my dreams on hold for my family. Was it true? The opportunity finally presented itself for me to follow my dreams and I jumped on it. Was it bad timing? I never worry about what others have to say but this one hit hard. Life was hitting me hard and I was just ignoring it. Bills due. Health suffering. Family falling apart. But, yes I still could only see what was in front of me and that was a better future for my family. I was living in the future and not the present. I wanted more but wasn’t dealing with the now. And then suddenly, I lost the one thing I thought was important at the moment. The one thing I thought was going to take me places. And without any notice. That’s when life really hit me hard. I was losing. I was letting things fall apart. I let a small moment in my life take control of me. My family was suffering and I didn’t even notice. We were faced with so many things that I had lost control of. No food, lights off, car gone, facing eviction...the list goes on. I no longer had control. Panic attacks started coming more frequently. My health declining. I’m scared. Why God? What did I do to deserve all this? Why me? I felt like I’d been doing this right. I thought this was right.
Sunday morning. Yep, today. I’m laying in bed praying hard. I’m not only praying for me. I’m praying for those around me going through things. As that song is blaring in the background, I realized this battle is not mine. I won’t give up. God has plans for me, my family, and others. I won’t and I can’t give up! Theses obstacles are just that..obstacles. My friend said to me the other day, life is like labor. You go through the most intense pain for hours. You have no idea how you’re going to get through it alive. But once it’s over and you’re looking at the most precious gift God has blessed you with, you realize it was all worth it. Don’t ever give up! What is on the other side of this pain is nothing but happiness and sunshine! We’ve got this and God is right there with us.
Be Positive. Be Happy. Be You. 💋